Love is an intense emotion that often leaves us confounded and reeling with uncertainty. Determining whether someone truly cares for us is not usually as clear-cut as we would like it to be. Even people in long-term marriages often question whether their partner truly loves them. This article explores signs that will help you identify if someone has genuine feelings for you, but it also addresses some issues that cloud our judgment when assessing the situation accurately.
To begin, let's dispel some of the misconceptions surrounding love. Unlike what we have been taught, love is an emotion that encompasses a full spectrum of human emotions. It consists of positive and negative feelings. Writers and philosophers are quick to put love in one bracket. They put it in the category of all things good. They equate it with kindness, selflessness, joy, excitement, pleasure, and ecstasy. Yes, it encapsulates all these things, but there is another side that is left out, that is the human element. We humans are imperfect. Therefore, our relationships are imperfect, and we bring all our human emotions with us when we fall in love.
So, yes, love is not always kind. Love is sometimes rude, irrational, prideful, selfish, hurtful, jealous, fearful, doubtful, etc. It is accompanied by all the negative qualities in our human realm. To fall for the romantic ideals that society teaches us is to set ourselves up for failure. I can’t tell you how often I meet people who start by telling me, “I thought love was not supposed to hurt.” I want to respond by asking, “What planet do you live on?” Yet, this is what is recited at almost every wedding I have attended. Love is patient. Love is kind, Love does not dishonor others, and so on. This poem from Corinthians 13:4-8 should be preceded by a disclaimer stating that these are ideals we strive to live up to but can never be fully attained due to our imperfect state.
Start every relationship by first accepting the fact that we are imperfect humans. We all bring our own set of baggage into every relationship, just like the other person who is the object of our affection. We are all irrational sometimes and suffer temporary lapses in judgment based on our present state of mind. This is life. This is how we are. We all have issues. Everyone does, no matter how perfect we think we are. Stop expecting perfection from others when you are far from it. Doing so is only setting yourself up for failure. The question you should be asking yourself is this, “Are my partner's ways compatible with mine? Can I live with this person's ways forever?” Be frank with yourself. Ask yourself if you are being too picky and too rigid. Are you asking this person to bend to your will but refusing to meet them halfway? This is often what we do. We want people to change for us, but we are unwilling to change anything about ourselves for them. You can’t address love like a spoiled brat and expect it to work out just fine.
I cannot cover all the intricacies of love in this short article. If you want to learn more about the subject, I recommend you read chapter three of my book, “Balance, Overcoming the Obstacles in Life.” For now, however, I will explore some of the main things to consider and look out for.
There is no one cap fits all when it comes to love. We all have different personalities and deal with our feelings in various ways. For this reason, it is essential that we first start by really assessing and trying to understand the personality type of the person we are dealing with. This will dictate how your companion will react in any given situation. If your partner is insecure, they see the world through insecure eyes. Insecurity comes with many negative habits that can cast doubt on your relationship. Nonetheless, I am making a point that you cannot begin to assess someone's love for you if you do not first understand the person you are dealing with. Every person's action is shaped by their personality and perception of the world.
Once you get to truly know the person here are some simple things to look out for. However, always consider your partner's personality, which will often skew things a little.
Bear in mind that the small, subtle things a person does, often yield the most about a person's true feelings. While you can usually fake the more significant things, subtle subconscious feelings are more complicated to fake because they are not premeditated.
Pay attention to a person's body language: While I always listen keenly to what the person tells me, I am primarily interested in their actions. Look for cues that indicate the person's comfort level and interest, such as leaning forward when speaking, making and maintaining eye contact, and displaying affection like touching by passing their hands over yours, etc. When we feel deep affection for someone, we want to express it. The most intimate way to do this is through touching. However, bear in mind that based on personality type, not all people are comfortable expressing their love and feelings through touching, especially not in public.
Attention to detail is also an indicator that someone cares for you. Loved ones often put some effort into listening and remembering small details from conversations. Things like your likes and dislikes, even if they seem inconsequential; notice details others most often don't and take an interest in your life beyond simply remembering significant dates or events; this shows they care deeply for your relationship and are emotionally invested.
Another telltale sign of love is consistent reliability. Relying on someone for emotional and physical support is at the core of human connection. Having someone you know you can count on offers a sense of security, a major component of love. We are not talking about only offering help when needed for bigger issues, but rather being there for support when life also presents those minor hiccups.
An important indicator of love is your partner’s acceptance of you as a whole. They make a concerted effort to work with and accept your flaws without focusing on them enough to make them a big issue. While love does not equate to blind tolerance of all imperfections, love encompasses your entirety. When someone truly cares for you, they acknowledge your flaws and try to counteract them without causing you discomfort. In some ways, our flaws are undoubtedly a part of the traits that contribute to our uniqueness.
Communication and vulnerability are the foundation of loving relationships. Someone who cares deeply for you will likely share their deepest thoughts, feelings, dreams, and fears with you, express an interest, and foster an environment for you to do the same without judgment. When someone loves you, they are interested in learning more about you to understand things from your perspective and equally share theirs with you. This level of openness demonstrates their trust in you. How receptive you are, will dictate their willingness to open up more to you. However, remember that sometimes insecure people often keep things bottled inside for fear of being judged. So again, base this on your knowledge of your partner's personality.
Actions speak louder than words; when someone loves you, they will go the extra mile to ensure your happiness and comfort - from little things like bringing your favorite snack to making substantial sacrifices or compromises for you.
Don’t rush the process: I have been on dates with women who, after three days of knowing me, start pressuring me to tell them I love them. I am just getting to know the person, and they are feeling hurt that I haven’t told them yet that I love them. This may sound weird, but several clients have told me similar stories. Take it easy and give the relationship time to grow. Pushing things too fast will prove disastrous in the long run. Pace yourself.
I wish I could tell you that if you follow the cues above, you will know for sure if someone truly loves you. Well, no. It is only a guide on some of the most common things to look out for. Some partners will comply with some of the things mentioned but altogether bypass others. This does not mean they are not in love with you. This is why I stress the importance of understanding your partner. This will inform you of what they are comfortable with and what they are not. I have a client who does not like to lean in when communicating with others. She tells me that often, others think she is not interested in what they have to say. However, she states that she does not like to get too close to others when talking because she can often smell other people’s breath, and she is afraid they may be smelling hers too.
The bottom line is, you will feel it in your heart and soul if someone truly loves you. Trust your instincts and pay attention to how they make you feel. Love is a beautiful and powerful emotion that should be nurtured. Don’t overthink it. If you are uncertain how someone feels about you, don't be shy about having an open conversation regarding how they make you feel — remember, it's crucial for both partners in a relationship to feel secure and loved in their relationship!
When all is said and done, words and actions are the two most prominent and proven methods of communicating love. If someone often tells you that they love you and express it through soft, intimate embraces and touches, etc., then most likely they love you. If they are somewhat cold towards you, they most likely lack that deep feeling of love that compels them to reach out in a loving way. However, this could be how they are, as dictated by their personality. If you, however, get the feeling that your partner is not in love with you, walk away. Even if they are in love with you, it means you are not compatible with each other. Don’t waste time trying to find ways to make it work or make things better. Move on.
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