I am frequently asked by friends, family members, and life coaching clients if there is a correct way to meditate. Several have shared how difficult it is to stay focused during meditation. A client recently expressed her frustration. "As soon as I start meditating, my mind keeps straying to everything else. I give up! What am I doing wrong?" This is a common challenge. I hear comments like this frequently. Most people give up after a few failed attempts or keep putting it off until they think they'll get better at it.
There is only one way to improve at meditating, and that is through practice. As a young boy, my grandma continually impressed upon me the importance of sustained training by frequently reminding me of these sayings, “Practice makes perfect” and “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” It's not that others are inherently better at it than you; instead, it's just a matter of practicing more and giving yourself time to get used to it. Mind-wandering is something that even experienced meditators deal with daily. However, as you become more comfortable with meditating, you will be able to reduce these distractions and push them away quickly.
The common mistake most beginners make is thinking they will be completely relaxed and master meditation techniques right from the start. This is akin to a person who does not know how to swim jumping into a pool and giving up after 20 minutes because they failed to swim. Your mind and body need time to adjust. It took me 2 to 3 months of daily practice to calm my mind and another three months to harmonize with the universe's energy. So, be patient. Don’t give up so easily. You’ve got this.
However, with that said, let’s get you started on some simple strategies to begin your transformative journey. First, let's start by explaining what meditation is. Meditation is a practice that encourages an enhanced state of awareness and focused attention. It is simple and does not require any special equipment or location. The key to effective meditation lies in clearing your mind and being present in the moment, and yes, this is much easier said than done. Nonetheless, follow the step outline below, and you will be well on your way.
Step 1 - Find a Quiet Space:
Choose a serene environment free from distractions. This could be a quiet room, a park, or even a cozy corner of your home. Please don’t leave out the bathroom. It is often one of the most peaceful places in the house. I used to put a cushion on the toilet seat, close the door so it was pitch black, and practice meditation there. If there is a ticking clock in the room you are meditating in, remove it until you are done. I replaced mine with a silent one I found for $8 in Walmart.
Step 2 - Set a Time:
Like all things you want to accomplish, you must set time aside to do it. Try meditating before you start your day. It doesn’t matter if you are a morning or afternoon person. Make it the first thing you do while relaxed and well-rested before the day's activities get a hold of you. This is especially important for beginners; it can be helpful to start with short durations. Aim for 10-15 minutes initially and gradually increase as you become more comfortable.
Step 3 - Get Comfortable:
Sit or lie down in a position that feels comfortable for you. No, you do not have to cross your legs like you see everyone doing. This position is often uncomfortable and more of a distraction than a help. Lying on your back in bed, seated in a chair, or on the floor is fine. If you are comfortable in a cross-legged position, then go right ahead. No, you do not have to bring your fingers together and point them up like you see others doing. You do not have to clasp your hands like you are praying. Do only what makes you feel relaxed and comfortable.
Step 4 - Focus on Your Breath:
Breathing is one of the most important parts of meditation. It breaks the rhythm of your chaotic body routine and helps unite your entire being with the universal energy in and around you. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Pay attention to your breathing as you inhale and exhale. This helps anchor your mind and prepares you for more profound meditation. You can slowly shift your focus to gratefulness after you get your body into a rhythm.
Step 5 - Mindfulness Meditation:
Unfortunately, our minds are a restless beast. If you want to know the amount of things we think about per hour, try meditation. Wow! Our minds cannot keep still. Anyway, this is the whole purpose of meditation. It is to steady our minds. As thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and gently guide your focus back to your breath. The aim is not to stop thinking but to observe thoughts without becoming attached to them. Again, this is much more easily said than done but achievable with practice.
My mediation goes through phases. I am not implying that yours should, but this is how I do it. I start my meditation session by first focusing on my breathing. I take a really deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, then exhale. As I inhale, I tell myself I am replenishing my body with fresh energy. When I breathe out, I tell myself I am expelling the negative, stale energy from my body. I do this for about 4 to 6 minutes. Feeling refreshed, I relax my breathing a little. I am still taking deep breaths, but not so deeply that it is the center of my focus. Once I have settled into a rhythm, I proceed to a grateful state of mind. Note that gratefulness meditation is one of the most essential aspects of meditation and equally one of the most challenging states to achieve. Nonetheless, it is the part that has the most power to impact your life positively. [See Step 6 for more on how to practice gratefulness meditation.]
During gratefulness meditation, I feel very calm and filled with joy. At this stage, I resign myself to being completely at one with the universe and allow its pure energy to flow through me. I am primarily void of thoughts. I am the energy, and the energy is me. And, yes, at this stage, your thoughts still get interrupted by your problems, and you will get sidetracked. However, as soon as you become aware, gently push the thought away and refocus. It gets much easier with practice. I end my session by gathering some of this energy around me to strengthen my aura. I breathe out and extend this energy field to about 50 to 100 feet in diameter. I sustain this for a few minutes, then end my session and begin my day.
Step 6 – Gratefulness:
This step can be a little more challenging than it looks at first. A friend of mine going through issues recently expressed, “Nigel, I tried so hard to be grateful, but how can I be grateful when so many things are going wrong in my life? My marriage is failing. My kids are caught up with the wrong friends and getting into trouble. I am this close to bankruptcy. My health is failing. Nothing is going the way it should. I have tried so hard to be grateful, but my mind keeps focusing on my problems. With all that is happening, it is hard to find things to be grateful for.”
My heart sank, and in that moment, I felt her pain. We have all been in similar situations when we struggle to push away our problems and still be grateful. The one thing we humans do not have a shortage of is problems, but regardless of the difficulties we are facing, there is a way. Let me tell you how.
Everybody’s journey is different. We face similar but different challenges and circumstances in our lives and, therefore, have different desires, situations, and things to be grateful for. While I cannot specify what you should be thankful for, I will share my journey of gratefulness meditation with you. I start each meditation session with a prayer. (Full disclosure regarding my belief: I believe in God, but not in the traditional sense as God the Father in the sky. My God is the energy that makes up everything and is everywhere. To me, God has no gender or physical form. Everything that exists is an extension of God, including you and me and the phone you are holding.) With that out of the way, let's get back to gratitude. I express gratitude for the privilege of participating in this magnificent experience called life and for the fact that I have the opportunity to continue another day. I am grateful for the amazing energy cruising through my veins. I am thankful for the wonderful people I have been privileged to meet and share my life with. I am grateful for the small things like being in relatively good health, being able to take walks by the water, and feeling the gentle wind against my skin. I am grateful for my partner's soft touches, kisses, and the love radiating from her eyes. I am grateful for the vast array of emotions I am privileged to experience. The physical things I have been privileged to continue enjoying.
With each emotion of gratitude I express, a warm, sweet feeling floods my soul, and I feel elated. I then shift my gratitude to things that haven’t manifested themselves in my physical realm yet, things like the properties I want to own, the amount of money I want in the bank and investment accounts, the things I want to help people achieve, the lives I want to enrich through knowledge and money, the places I want to visit, etc. To me, the universe is busy putting things in place to facilitate me accomplishing these things. They are already mine, so I am grateful for them. I do not have them in my present physical realm, but they are mine in development and transit. Therefore, I can allow myself to revel in this knowledge. Knowing that these things are already mine, I allow myself to feel, taste, and spiritually experience them. This feeling surges through my body as a warm fuzzy feeling, and a glow and even more grateful energy fill my entire being. You will understand what I am saying when you have experienced it.
When I was new to meditating, I found being grateful for things that have not happened yet to be very challenging. This is especially hard if you are experiencing significant difficulties at your present junction in life and you are suffering from fear and anxiety. I have been there. I know from experience how hard it can be to put yourself in a grateful frame of mind when you feel like the world is out to get you. Every good meditation expert will tell you the same thing. Nonetheless, it can be done with a bit of practice and persistence. And yes, even when you are an expert, there are days when things are not going your way, and you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. In times like these, you must dig deeper than usual to push on. My Grandma often reminded me, “If you want good, your nose will have to run.” Today, I remind my kids, “Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy. The world and everything in it revolves on a cycle of balance. No amount of meditation is going to stop you from having bad days. It will not prevent you from getting mad, upset, or annoyed. Those who tell you otherwise are bullshitting. They have fallen victim to a world of ideals, not reality.
It is important to note that meditation is not a fix-all to life's problems, as some writers and influencers have led you to believe. Most people do not have the discipline to move past the most basic stage to achieve profound benefits. Meditation is an ancient practice that allows you to connect more deeply with the natural world and the energies surrounding you. Through meditation, you can gain a renewed perspective on your life and your place in the world, leading to a greater acceptance of others and the world around you. Meditation can help you achieve a more tranquil, serene, and meaningful existence. But while it can provide you with a clearer outlook and a more rational, less emotionally driven approach to life, it's not a quick fix for all of life's challenges. Instead, it empowers you to confront difficulties with a more composed mindset.
Look out for the second part of this article, where I delve deeper into the benefits of meditation, how you can achieve healing, manifestation, and other profound benefits from the practice.
All articles written by Nigel Kettle I welcome your feedback and opinions. | For more information, visit the "About and Services" page. |
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